I figured out, what’s the most difficult thing to do. I think it’s the counting of your wrinkles. It’s impossible to find one.
Men will spend 2 dollars on a 1 dollar item that they desperately need. Women will spend 1 dollar on a 2 dollar item that they don’t need at all.
I made you a birthday cake to celebrate, but I couldn’t light the candles. It turns out the fire department requires a permit for bonfires.
The only reason you hate your birthday is because people give you odd gifts, scary cards with weird messages in them, and because you’re getting older. Happy Birthday!
You will be a little bit older, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser. Happy New Year!
1066, 1492, 1776, and…your birthday? The good news is that they aren’t teaching the date of your birth in history classes yet. The bad news is that means I don’t have the date memorized. Happy belated birthday!
Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé, George Clooney & ME! All the famous wish you a very Happy New Year!
A New Year is the chance to start over with a clean slate. Too bad my credit card won’t start over with a blank slate.
The most fun part about making New Year’s resolutions is breaking New Year’s resolutions. Can’t wait to mess up with you.
The first mark of ageing appears when you start forgetting things. In your case there are no such problems. You have transcended all the hassles.